Boundaries and Recovery

GOOD BOUNDARIES ARE VITAL TO HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS.

Addicts and codependents typically have very unhealthy interpersonal boundaries. Those of us raised in dysfunctional families often find the concept of healthy boundaries to be a revelation in our recovery.  No is a complete sentence.       No.     No.        No.  (Kinda liberating isn’t it!)

Recommended readings on boundaries: 

• Boundaries : When to Say Yes When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life – Henry, Dr. Cloud, John, Dr. Townsend; Hardcover
• Boundaries Workbook : When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life – Henry Cloud, John Townsend; Paperback
• Boundaries With Kids : When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Help Your Children Gain Control of Their Lives – Henry Cloud, John Townsend; Hardcover

SIGNS OF UNHEALTHY INTERPERSONAL BOUNDARIES:

1. Telling all.

2. Talking at an intimate level at the first meeting.

3. Falling in love with a new acquaintance.

4. Falling in love with anyone who reaches out.

5. Being overwhelmed by a person – preoccupied.

6. Acting on the first sexual impulse.

7. Being sexual for your partner, not yourself.

8. Going against personal values or rights to please others.

9. Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries.

10. Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries.

11. Accepting food, gifts, touch, or sex that you don’t want.

12. Touching a person without asking.

13. Taking as much as you can get for the sake of getting.

14. Giving as much as you can give for the sake of giving.

15. Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you.

16. Letting others direct your life.

17. Letting others describe your reality.

18. Letting others define you.

19. Believing others can anticipate your needs.

20. Expecting others to fill your needs automatically.

21. Falling apart so someone will take care of you.

22. Self-abuse.

23. Sexual and physical abuse.

24. Food and chemical abuse.

This list provided by Recovery.org.